Chances are...

Chances are meant to be taken. They loom in the unexpected, awaiting the lively hearted to take them by the hand; to dive head first into the unknown. Life is too grand and too short to treat circumstance as anything less than extraordinarily. Taking mere baby steps to gain anything significant is but a waste of time, instead, one should take great leaps of faith. Why be afraid of something that you yearn so deeply for? Why be afraid of an outcome when chance and opportunity will come a knockin' again?

A couple of observations recently have led me to believe in the process of looking at life as a canvas. Each person you meet, each conversation you have, each choice you make will ultimately, in the end, guide you towards something wonderful, so why would you ever want to take baby steps in any situation? Go big or go home, I say. Put yourself out there, and show the world who you are. With billions of people, you're bound to find a few fans along the way.

With each passing day, I feel myself becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin. I have less worries, for I've learned that worrying is tiredsome and a waste of time (whether you like it or not, said event will occur and then it will pass with the blink of your eye, and you'll wonder why you ever were frazzled over it). Now, I look at life and gladly accept its challenges, for nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, thus all must strive to embody this ideal. I've adopted the mindset that nothing is/ will be too good for me, nor is it out of my reach. If I want it, I'll pursue it because I know that I am good enough, if not better. Not to be miscontrued as conceited, but more as confidently seeking the grandeur in life. I'm tired of giving in and settling, when I've always been a "reach for the stars, shoot for the moon" kind of girl. For my well-being and selfish happiness, I have banished all fear of failing and implemented positive thinking towards success.

So, I re-visit my earlier statement, "chances are meant to be taken." Each day is a new slate; a fresh start, if you will. We should be rejoicing in this and accepting every chance, big and small, that is given to us, for you'll never know just how great something is until you try it at least once. Chances are not meant to be looked at and admired, they're meant to be tried and worn. Had I not taken certain chances, I would have missed out on some important widsom, on some wonderful relationships and other amazing experiences that have added to the complexity of my womanhood.

She's Getting Married, You're Having A Baby, and I'm Just Trying to Graduate College.

Maybe there's something in the air? In the water? Whatever it is, it's started an epidemic. Wedding season, take a seat...BABY SEASON has arrived, in all sorts of dysfunctional stupidity. Maybe it's because I'm from a "small town," but I have come across more and more people that I went to high school with, married and pregnant, most commonly just the latter.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the want to have all of these things, but what I don't understand is the need to A) do all of this before you're even twenty-one years old and B) do these in the opposite order (traditionally speaking). This confusion is probably derived from my somewhat conservative mindset, but nonetheless, even if I was more liberal with my thoughts, I'd still think it was stupid and irrational. Not to toot my own horn, but I've always thought of myself as mature for my age, both in the understanding of life and my actions; therefore, sitting here picturing myself pregnant is almost like looking at one of those Disney World caricatures because of the obscenity. I change my mind about my future monthly, I still ask my parents for help, and no matter what job I attain, it wouldn't be sufficient enough to support a child in the way that one should be taken care of. Having a kid isn't like having a dog: you have to do more than just feed them and take them to pee.

However, I bet it's safe to guess that most of these women received their new mommy titles by pure luck, or should I dare say misfortune? I know this entry is coming off pretty harsh, but the whole idea is a bit much for me to wrap my head around (insert sarcastic voice now) and hey, maybe that's why I wasn't lucky enough to be pregnant at 19. They're raising children all before they can: legally consume alcohol, rent a hotel room, and rent a car- I hope you girls don't plan on vacationing anytime soon because you'll have no place to stay, nor way to get there. Then again, you could just sleep in your own car- nice and cozy is always a plus especially with a crying infant! I'm probably a horrible person for writing that.

Ok, disregarding my attempt at being funny in the previous paragraph, I do realize things happen not according to plan, but I also realize there's ways of preventing that. I know I probably shouldn't completely dog these young mothers, and I apologize for coming off "holier than thou." My belief is just simply that you should get an education first, be confident and secure with yourself and your finances, then make the decision to get married and have children. When you're young, you are so prone to making irrational decisions and you're still learning who you are as a person and who you will become. You have your whole life ahead of you to be a good parent- being young is your time to be free and curious, to experience the good and the bad of the world, to lay around and waste away days just because you can. I guess that's my point- people are fast forwarding too soon while they're still young, thus missing their chance to truly understand what it means to LIVE.

To Be Beautiful...

At fourteen, I felt awkward and shy with bushy eyebrows and glasses.
At nineteen, I feel beautiful with my still bushy eyebrows and whenever I wear my glasses (funny coincidence I'm wearing Kitty's grandma's glasses in this picture).

Something that I have learned to appreciate and accept over the past few years though is that being pretty is only skin deep. Every day I interact with pretty people, but something that is lacking is real beauty; beauty that is not only physical, but can be seen in one's heart and is shared and visible by the rest of the world.

This afternoon I went and bought some new eyeshadow and blush, and when I got home I of course tried them on like a new pair of shoes and had my own fashion show. I was fourteen again. I posed in the mirror like Tyra, pretending to be on ANTM (I had been watching the marathon earlier) and then it hit me again: being just a pretty face is not enough. It's not about how blue my eyes are, or how luscious my lips; it's about the whole package; it's about being beautiful, inside and out. Sometimes I forget that though, being in college and always surrounded by materialistic and shallow twenty and twenty-one year old girls, as well as being subjected to the conformity of trying to be sexy and appealing to all the fratastic boys running around The Plains. It's hard not to fall victim to this vicious game, but all the same I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention from time to time. It's nice to have heads turn when you pass by, but that's just not enough for me. One day I'm going to wake up and being pretty is not going to be enough. I mean, why the hell would anyone want that to be enough!? I want people to see who I really am, not just my face. I want people to appreciate me for my good intentions, my beliefs, my intelligence, and my witty (not always, unfortunately) jokes that I crack even when the timing is wrong.

Nothing in vain of course, but the nicest comment I have ever received was from a boy who told me that I wasn't just a pretty face. That meant a lot to me, more than any "you're pretty" comment ever has, and I'll never forget that.

I found this quote from Marie Stopes that reads, "You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing." I'm completely and utterly in love with this. It's by God's grace that we're attractive when we're young, but as Emerson so eloquently states it, "As we grow old, the beauty steals inward." As we get older and hopefully much wiser, we will learn that having beauty is having the ability to love others, both good and bad; to give selflessly; to be pure in thought and heart, and to be genuinely happy with life and its blessings. It's not all about physical aspects, and I'm so tired of seeing girls (some even my friends) think that their pretty faces are going to compensate for their lack of personality and depth. One day it won't, and it will probably be one day sooner than they thought.

Just a little food for thought, I suppose.

To be, or not to be: that is the question.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Nelson Mandela

A Collection of Wonderful People (Short Version)

Having some freedom recently has allowed me to sit around and do what I love to do the most: THINK. As of lately, the one thing that has been on my mind the most is people. I've been thinking about the different people that have come in and out of my life, some that I've met only in passing, others that hold a special place in my heart, and even some that are no longer in it. Each, however, has given me something, whether it be memories of a shared adventure, a life lesson, a new perspective, a check off my bucket list, a few words of advice, or even the simplistic gift of a warm smile. No matter what it was, I've gained a lot more in these past twenty years than I have acknowledged.

Being a people person, I yearn for the chance to meet men and women of all walks of life, and I have definitely met quite a few who I catch myself thinking of many a days.

When I was around the age of ten, I met a lady on an airplane whose broken English was almost unbearable. She was from Africa, flying to Minnesota, bringing her grandson and toddler home to their mother. She was seated next to my mom, trying to grasp the concept of baggage claim. After several hours we landed and my mom and I helped her find it, yet to our dismay her luggage had been lost. Now, not only was she in a foreign country, but she was incapable of making decisions. My mom, always the helping hand, talked to the employees and managed to fill out paperwork for this woman, eventually setting the chaos to bay. Although her image is a little fuzzy to me now, I'll never forget the feeling of appreciation that she exalted. She asked for our address, and we left her to find her way. A couple weeks later, we received an envelope in the mail which contained not only a written letter, but a necklace bearing a cross. It was the simplest of gifts, yet also one of the most kind. A couple strangers brought together by being kind to one another. I'll never forget it.

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In seventh grade, I had the privilege of having a teacher that not only taught me middle school math, but taught me even more about life and myself. Her name is Tica Spake, and I can honestly say that she is one of the most kind, most caring, most selfless, and most passionate people I have ever met. The first day I met her, I said a quiet prayer to myself in hopes that she would be my teacher, but little did I know that she would not only become that, but also a role model and today, a friend.

Mrs. Spake always had a way of capturing you, from her gentle words to her infectious smile. I remember one time in particular when I was sick, she asked me to stay after class so that she could speak with me. I remember her telling me that everything was going to be alright, and I instead broke down and cried. She soothed my sobbing and held my hand. I told her that I always have cold hands and her response was simply, "Cold hands, but a warm heart." I'll never forget that. To this day, I still hear her saying that, and I still play that scene in my mind.

Today, I consider her a friend, a mentor. Almost seven years later, she's still in my life, even if it's only for a few minutes every now and then. Through her example, she taught me always to be kind and compassionate for others, to keep God close to my heart, and always strive to do my very best. What started as a typical school year turned into a life long friendship, and I'm incredibly blessed and lucky. I love you, Mrs. Spake.

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Gerald Jones, an angel.
Back in high school when we were all young and catty, there was one person who was not, there was one person who could bring a smile to anyone's face, and that person was Gerald. He had such a heart of gold and was willing to be a friend to any and all. I remember admiring his affection that he gave so selflessly many times during those years. He didn't care where you came from, where you were going, if you had money or not...he cared about you as a person. That's something rare these days, and I'll never forget that. I'll never forget his kindness towards me.

Gerald passed away earlier this month, and although I didn't keep in contact with him after graduating, I would randomly catch myself thinking of him. I regret not going to his funeral, and I regret not letting him know how wonderful he really was and how privileged I was to have even known him. I know that I will always remember his compassion for all people and it's something that will inspire for me for the rest of my life.

They say that only the good die young, and I would have to agree. I don't know why it was his time to go, but I do know Gerald is up in heaven watching down on all his family and friends, still flashing that big 'ole smile. The world lost a great man, but gained an angel in return.

May you rest in peace, sweet Gerald.

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Living by the course of spontaneity.

Autumn turned to winter, which gave us spring and now it's about to vanish and delight us all with a beautiful summer season. Personally, I could not be happier! Southern summers are like no other- the smell of Honeysuckle that stops you dead in your tracks as your senses praise its sweetness; the joyful sight as lightning bugs illuminate the summer sky; these are both things that connect my present self to my childhood and because of that, sweet summer will always hold a special place in my heart.

However, these past two semesters have been such a joyful and eye-opening time for me as well. There were a lot of firsts, a lot of lasts, tears shed, smiles exchanged, and even more opportunities for me to experience. I feel that I have evolved even more into the woman that I have been striving to be, even though saying this feels cliche to me now since I say it so often. Nonetheless, I feel incredibly blessed for each day, both good and bad.

So, what's next? This summer I plan on being completely absorbed with...life. Not taking classes, nor getting a job, I have the entire summer to relax and spend some time with hobbies and people that I have missed. Last summer was "The Summer of Real Life," where I worked for three months straight, but this summer is simply "The Summer of Exploration, Growth, and Fun." I'm glad I'm choosing the latter this time and thankful that I'm able to do this and have wonderful parents that understand my need for a break.

Hopefully I'll be able to occupy my time with writing, reading, laying poolside, traveling, exercising, enjoying nature, spending time with loved ones, and working on myself, both inside and out. Everyone's so consumed with getting ahead and accelerating at 100 mph, but I kind of want to live the slow life this summer. Take it day by day, night by night. I want to live by the course of spontaneity. One day we'll all wake up and wonder where the freedom went, where the good times went, where our youth went. One day, sooner than later, this will no longer be reality.

BUT, right now it is a reality, so bring on the good times with great people...and bring them on strong. Summer 2011, let's GOOOOOOOOO!

Decision 1,768,456,332

Lately my mind has been jumping back and forth about what the future holds. There's so many things I want to accomplish, yet I feel as though I don't have enough time. I have so many interests and aspirations that they're conflicting with one another, and it's really starting to get the best of me.

Example of most recent conflict: to study abroad or not. People, places, culture, traveling; it's what I love, it's what I want to center my life around, but on the same token I love Auburn, and I'm afraid of missing out on opportunities here. I would absolutely adore spending a semester in France, England, China, etc. meeting new people and figuring out more of who I am and what this great world entails, but for some reason I can't decide if it's what's right for me at this point in my life. And this is completely frustrating because I ALWAYS know what I want; I've never been the indecisive type, and plan A has always worked out in my favor.

However, I also know that as opportunities come along, I should probably jump at them. Right now, I'm still young, wild, and free (thanks for that, Wiz) and I have the ability to take flight on a whim with only minimal worry. I suppose it all boils down to taking chances- hoping and praying that I have wings that let me soar.

For without heart, there is no life.

Just like a million other people, one of my favorite Bible passages has always been 1 Corinthians 13, but my favorite part reads, "...and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." It it is probably wholeheartedly one of the most beautiful lines I have ever read. It's completely simplistic, yet so powerful. It's such a precious reminder that having any meaning in life requires you to give yourself and allow yourself to be received in love by ALL people. Although you may have faith, without the burning fire in your heart for what you believe in, it all means nothing.

It seems like just a simple request, yet can be one of the most difficult tasks to fulfill. I profess that I want to love all people, yet I constantly catch myself saying something negative about another. I constantly catch myself pointing judgment at another. I constantly say one thing and do the opposite. Loving seems like such an easy thing to do, yet I make it almost impossible at times. You don't have to pay for love, it's free. You just have to make up your mind that how you live and stroll down your path, you do it with the intention of a pure heart, open to growth and all people, in all walks of life.

However, at this moment in time, whatever it may be...I'm making the decision to love ALL selflessly. To cherish each friendship formed and unformed. To be at peace with God and one's self is the most beautiful state of mind we can have and how wonderful that this all begins and ends with love. It's a universal acceptance. It's something that you will find in all parts of the world, light or dark. Without it, we truly are nothing; for without heart, there is no life.

50 Life Secrets.

Such a goodie, wish I had written it myself...

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/8YZSE0/www.highexistence.com/life-secrets-and-tips/comment-page-1

#10- Don't take life too seriously.

J

I'm not sure what sparked me to write this, but lately I have been spending too much time focusing on myself and things that are insignificant. So, I decided to take a step back and evaluate the world around me, and I have come to this conclusion: being absorbed has isolated me from all the happiness surrounding me, beginning with my friends.

I may be biased, but I honestly know that I have the BEST friends a girl could have. I am so incredibly blessed with such inspiring, beautiful, funny, intelligent, genuine, and loving women in my life that I get the privilege of calling my friends. So here's dedication to you- to those that make me a better person, who stick by my side even when I don't deserve it, and to those who I wouldn't trade anything in the world for, honestly. Diving head first into your happiness has made be a better person and for that gift, I will forever be grateful.

Just the other day, I could have sworn fireworks exploded within Julia as we drove home. One of her "dreams" you could say, finally came true. As I listened to her giddily talk about the plans for the coming weeks, I realized that her happiness made me happy. Watching my friend so excited honestly opened my eyes to the realization that if I step away from my selfish tendencies, I become a better person. Being self-absorbed has gotten me nowhere, but the beauty that is created from sharing in the happiness of a dear friend is unfathomably valuable. Who knew, right?

So thanks J for letting me share your moment with you, it meant more than you know.

Day 1

With a new month comes a new challenge: write every day and make it meaningful. So, here goes nothing…

Today, in my Women and Leadership class we were asked to write down a goal that we have for ourselves. It could be a goal that we want to accomplish this semester, this year, or in our lifetime. I could have easily put down, “I want to graduate from Auburn and attain a job in Travel Journalism, hopefully for National Geographic” (which is definitely true), but instead I decided to be a little more honest on paper than usual.

I wrote: I want to take a mission/service trip overseas and not know anyone.

Just minutes before we had watched a video on taking a study abroad trip to Belize and it really got me thinking. I love people (recent discovery that my top strength is that I’m a Woo-er), and I’ve always dreamt of traveling somewhere and making a difference, as corny as that may sound. Growing up, I was blessed with any and everything and as I’ve gotten older I’ve developed the philosophy to always try to be selfless in whatever I do. So as I watched the video showcasing Belize and all the wonderful opportunities that would come from doing this, I also made a mental note that when I go wherever I decide, I don’t want to go with anyone I know.

This sounds a little strange, considering it would be comforting to know a face in a crowd of the unfamiliar, but for me, I want to dive head first into giving my entire self to these people, and I don’t think I can do it unless I’m completely focused on my mission. So many people take service trips with their church groups or school, whatever it may be, and so many times they lose track of their pupose for being there. When they get tired of laboring all day in the hot sun, or when they’re tired of trying to conquer the language barrier, they retreat back to their comfort zone and it’s all merry again. What I want to experience, however, is the real deal. I want to be able to fully give myself to the people that I’m helping and building relationships with and really experience life as they do.

Another reason, probably more of a driving force than the other, is I’m actually afraid to do it alone. This sounds contradicting, but I am afraid, so that’s why I want to accomplish this. I've always had the mentality that if I stumble upon something that I'm fearful of, I'm going to make sure to succeed at it. Life is so short, and I feel like I don’t have time to let being fearful stop me from pursuing my passions. Down the road I want to be able to say, “Yeah, I was afraid, but I succeeded nonetheless.”

I’m not going to let fear or insecurity get in my way. If I sat out everytime I felt like that, I would never do anything…and let’s be honest, in the end what kind of success does being a “benchwarmer” even get you? Zip.

negative nancy never finds success

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with me being a woman, or just being human, but when it comes to giving others recognition, or trying to veer away from saying negative things about someone, it's hard as hell. I try my best to lift others up, but when it comes right down to it, I fall short every other time.

In my Women and Leadership class, we were asked to participate in a 30 day experiment where we try to only say positive things about other women and then record them in a journal. Easy enough, right? Wrong. After walking out of my class, I lasted maybe thirty minutes before I spouted off some smart remark about another girl. Being competetive my entire life, it really bugged me that I had already been defeated. I had imagined maybe going two days, then failing, but no... thirty minutes, and I was finished. However, when I sat down to really think about this challenge we had been given, I realized that it wasn't supposed to be easy, otherwise there's no point. Because we live in a society dominated by the ideology that we must be better than the rest, we use this mindset in every aspect of our lives, even if it is against some innocent stranger.

As I sit and reflect on the negative things that I've said or thought about these people, some I would consider friends, others not at all, it really hurts me to know that I allowed myself to say such harsh comments. AND, to top it off, most of the time it was to make myself feel better. I mean, how pathetic does that sound? Really pathetic. When I really think about, I'm such a hypocrite. I constantly profess that we should be kind to others and speak with good intentions, yet I fall in the trap too. I don't want to be that person who is constantly bashing others because when I really step back and think about it, what good does that bring me in the end? We're all just trying to be successful and live life with fervor and purpose.